So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He shit in the fireplace
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
