69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize