worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
