I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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