Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
