Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
