My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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