Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
