How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
