If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
