I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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