my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
