we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
