Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
