after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
