Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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