You smell like stripper and shame
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
