My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
