just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
