So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
