I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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