My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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