I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
