How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
