Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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