i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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