on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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