Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
