No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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