you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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