I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
