TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize