Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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