Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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