Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
