people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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