Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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