i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
