went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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