So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
