remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
