Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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