I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
