we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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