my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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