I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Still dying that you shit outside
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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