just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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