Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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