Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize