For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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