If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
