His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
