So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
