so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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