What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
