I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
