I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
