i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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