It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
