I'm jealous of your bromance
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
