That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
