You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
