I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
