So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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